Cranky, Critical and Sane

It's my last weekend at my summer internship and hubby took the day off to help pack up while I went to work. The thing is, baby T was thrilled to see daddy and celebrated by tossing routine out the window! Both baby and hubby got underfoot as I was scrambling to get out of the house on time, which led me to blow a gasket, which got hubby wondering why he had taken the day off, which made me wonder whether he really was helping etc...

At work and at school, I'm in control, cool as a cucumber, unflappable and chilled! At home, Monday to Friday, I'm a pressure cooker, hissing gently, with the occasional loud steam releasing yell. On weekends, I try to chill out - but it's challenging to just "let it go!"

It goes deeper than that ... As a single mommy through the week, I'm wound up tight and constantly on guard, relying on my wit, sanity, energy and strength to keep baby and myself well looked after.

On the weekends, I have the liberty to drop my guard and relax but it's the hardest thing to do! Suddenly, I don't know what to do with my excess guard dog type energy. In theory, I should just allow poor hubby to be the daddy and take over, but the guard dog rears it's head. "You didn't fix the cereal right, you didn't put him on the potty the right way." Or the unkindest jab of all..."He's upset, it's because you don't know how to handle him."

This conversation goes on in my head every weekend...
Critic: He's doing everything wrong
Sane:So, let him figure it out.
Cranky: I wish he'd just let me show him exactly what to do
Sane: Hey, it's not likely that your method would work any better.
Critic: Whaddya mean... Of course it does, haven't I perfected it.
Sane: ay carramba! Get a drink, read a book, go for a walk, take a long shower - let them work at it.
Cranky: yeah, like that's going to happen! The minute I try to do anything it will be "mommyyy", "Babe! Where is the milk./diaper/clean clothes..."

Some days cranky wins, and those weekends are highly forgettable. Other days sanity wins and we have a great time!
I'm trying to work out the right mantra to handle this... Maybe when I'm back in school or maybe when I've graduated and we're all living under one roof, maybe it will be different.

It's a choice we make as to which persona will dominate the day - somedays it's so hard to do the right thing and other days life is so zen! My hope is to evenutally send cranky to a dark closet and let sanity be the ruling force in my life...

This weekend I'm going to be sane, enjoy the weather and pack. If cranky starts rearing her head, I promise to go for a walk and work off that cheesecake I ate last night.

Have a sane, fun weekend ya'all.



Blogger newhavenmama said...

And these are supposed to be the easy days?
Nutella on toast usually gets me back in the groove (or a nice gin and tonic). (:

10:55 PM  

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